My husband and I have been together since 2009. We started as friends and then business partners and then we got married 2012. Being with him for the five years, I must say i know him very well. I know how his breath smells in the morning, how he likes his steaks done, how he loves Jurassic Park and which one of his fingernails are most bitten during an hour of driving. I know him very well I could tell what he is wearing even I am sleeping when he left.
I am never affectionate nor sweet and apparently, he never was also. We never had an anniversary during our dating days and only had it when we got married. It was something we never took care of because for him, days spent together should never be counted because those are meant to be remembered in the heart only. Naks!! He never gave me flowers but showered me with gifts, material ones, not all fancy but never ever a single flower. I know sometimes I would tell ask him when he will give me one but he always says he would rather buy food for me that to buy a bouquet.
Altogether, I am still very in love with him up until this very moment and through the years, I have learned how to melt his macho heart and see his vulnerabilities. I have seen a different side of him without forcing him to let it go but just by showing him how much I love him every single day.
I am sharing you some of these things that I learned and constantly learning as a wife. I got some of these from the book "The Fascinating Womanhood" and its a very helpful book for wives and women. Here it goes:
1. LET HIM BE HIM
I always thought that I will meet a bad boy and he will fall in love with me and he will be a changed person because he loves me so much he would give up everything. Yes, that was my fantasy. Well yes, I kinda met a stubborn, self centered man and he fell in love with me. But he did not changed overnight. It was so hard to be with someone who has different views, principles and religion (I am Born Again, he was Catholic). It was always a chaos debating and making him stay at home instead of drinking with his friends. But as time passed by, I realized that I loved him the way he was. So why am I trying to change him now that he is my husband? He was never perfect and never will be. And I have to accept that no matter what because I love him. For the past five years of being together, he have changed a lot and I mean a lot. I have seen how he tried his best to be a better person all through out the challenges we faced together and I must say it was easier for him to do that because it was voluntary and it came from his heart. Don't create another person out of your man. Suggest on things that he can say or done differently but never command. You will notice how gradually and amazingly he would improve on being a better person or husband.
2. SUBMIT TO HIS COMMAND
I am a career woman, an achiever and very independent. I find it hard to follow command from anyone especially when I know that I can do it better if I do it my way. This was me since I was toddler. I was stubborn and I hate it when someone is correcting me because I think I have to make mistake to learn better so I just let myself. This was something I had a hard time letting go when I got married. My husband is also an achiever himself and when we were business partners, I even get to the point where I want to compete with him. As the head of the family, I know he should be the one to run the family. He does the biggest decisions. well I can give suggestions and opinions however, its still him to finalize everything. On our first married year, this was always a problem and I my pride is so high I can never accept that his plans are better than mine. But this lead to a lot of trust issues over money and parenting. It caused us pains through yelling and arguments. It was a hard phase and I would always be so guarded that he would just say sorry and follow my lead instead. But I know inside him, his ability of being a father and provider was being questioned and I wounded his ego. We were like that for the longest period of time and it came to a point were I was the one who runs everything and he was just taking care of business and our daughter. I was in pain looking at him that way and it felt like I have lost the person I knew. That man I look up to, the man who inspired me to be the best that I can be, that person who gave so much belief in me that I was able to be a woman I am now.. I have lost him just because he wanted to lessen the arguments and just give me what I want. It pained me so much and I promised myself that I would be a better wife and submit on his command. Its still hard for me as of this moment but I know I am getting there. And I am so excited that I am slowly having my husband back. That person with so much confidence in himself and who has amazing plans for businesses. I am so grateful that I was able to know the difference between a submissive wife and a dominated wife. We still discuss important matters but I always make sure that he concludes everything. Do not be the woman of power in front of your husband. Stand on your beliefs and contradict him whenever needed but always make sure that whatever his decisions are, submit to it girl. He may not always be right but as the song goes, "You might look around and find dreams come true with me.."
3. SERVE AND SUBMIT TO HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART
Cooking his favorite dish, getting an eight step away water for him, scratch his back, iron his clothes, find a sock for him and fixing the closet six times a day because he cannot seem to get a boxers without raiding all over it are a very hard tasks especially if yo do it everyday. I was living alone before I met him and my mom has always been there all my life for the domestics needed. So being a wife to an inexperienced man, I have been through all the dramas. There were days that I would just shout at him because he cannot even put his finished plates in the sink. Although my husband has never been fond of arguing, I know that its something that bothers him. During the time that I stayed home and he was the one leaving the house everyday, I tend to fight with him over a jeans that was not placed in the laundry basket after being used. I know as a wife, my job is to serve him and give him a peaceful house that he can go home to after a long day of work. Our husbands have encountered a lot of unknown feelings outside, he might have been rejected by the boss, was overtaken by a reckless driver or was not able to get the sale he needed to get an incentive. They had enough turn downs outside and they need us to be the cheer leader who would support them no matter what happen. Our husbands are weak without us. We are the only people that can see the real them during their challenges and the pains they go through when they face failure and defeat. We are their strengths and we are suppose to be the wife to be hold them and say, "Its ok. You know you did your best" or tell them "We can have another business in no time, I know you are very good and I will support you all the way". These are the words that would mend his brokenness and is always an effective way to show him how much you love him. Our support as a wife never fails to boost their self confidence and morale no matter how bad the situations are. Always remember that we are the first person that should believe in his capabilities to be successful in any journey he would venture. If you do this, your husband will be unbelievably victorious not only financially but also a person as a whole.
These are some things that are not material and can be done by any wife to show your husband how much you love them. Always remember that being a wife is hard but always remember how rewarding it is to know that your husband is head over heels on you just because you are understanding and loving no matter who he is or what he does. Accepting your man is the first step. Accept all of him, his flaws, his vices and everything. You loved him for that and I believe that God gave you each other because you are a perfect pair. You are handpicked by God and both of you compliment the other. Pray and continue loving. Trust God and have Him at the center of your relationship and nothing can go terribly wrong and surely, he would stay with you forever.
I hope this helps!
Love,
Gelai E. <3
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